How do we deal with pain, everybody hurts?
Humans are extremely complex and no one the same, but that is what makes us unique and beautiful. Everyone is different so; we all deal with things differently.
For some, dealing with pain is very raw.
I recently had a young lady approach me to confide in me, let me call her Lucy. A confident, smart, beautiful, and kind young lady who as I thought was incredibly happy. However, Lucy was in pain. Deep pain that she was finding hard to deal with and the only way she knew how to cope with this pain was to self-harm. This may seem very distressing and hard to read but Lucy wanted to share her story to help others. A very brave thing to do.
Why self-harm? In Lucy’s own words she said it took away the pain she was feeling inside her head. That by doing it she had physical pain that distracted her own mind, her own thoughts.
Her words were very real and very raw.
There are many reasons why people self-harm, but the main reason is they are suffering inside.
Lucy showed me her arms where she has self-harmed. Young skin with deep razor scars of her pain. I was deeply saddened that she felt this was the only way to cope. She was so young and with a bright future ahead of her. I want her and others to see that there are other ways to cope and to heal the pain you are feeling inside.
I listened to her and then explained that I too have suffered great pain in my life, deep pain like her. We all do at some stage but there is always hope and a way out of the darkness. I have just learned to deal with it in a different way. Lucy can too with the right support and help.
Talk to someone you trust and confide in. They love you and will not judge you. A relative, a friend or even a work colleague. Sharing how you are feeling will help stop the build-up of self-doubt and help you to deal with the negative emotions and feelings. Reaching out is the first step to helping yourself. Do not ever feel like you are alone. People do care about you and you do matter.
Listen to music, anything that calms your thoughts or changes your mood from sad to happy. My playlist consists of nothing but happy beats. Surround yourself with good people who care about you and will support you too. They will help you to get stronger.
Go for a walk or exercise. When you are consumed in your own thoughts sometimes you cannot think straight. Step outside. The fresh air or exercise will help your mind and body. So many people I know who feel low, feel better after doing so.
Delay your thoughts for a moment, text a friend. Ring a relative to distract you from what you are thinking. This small delay could be all it takes to stop you from self-harming. If you feel you need extra help to cope, then there are other people who will support you too. A therapist to talk through your emotions or groups online such as Lifesigns.
Rome was not built in a day, but these tiny steps can help you towards your healing. Lucy, I want you and others to know that you are different, we are all different but that is what makes you unique. That is what makes you beautiful. You just need to love yourself a little bit more.